Sundance: Don't Get the Wrong Idea

I'm worried that my previous (and inaugural) post to this blog, in which I stated my Sundance plan (avoid public spaces, stay within a 1/16-mile radius of my condo), might give the wrong impression. You might think I don't care about the Big Sundance Story: those lean, bronzed It Girls and Boys who dash from party to swaggy party, stopping only to strike poses for Us magazine. To set the record straight: I do care about famous people! I want to know everything about them! Including solving this knotty Sundance puzzle: What's up with famous people, festivals and free stuff? Below, an excerpt from last week's Blackberry press release about its "gifting suite":

"Park City, UT (January 10, 2007). For the FIRST TIME EVER, there will be a brand new way of gifting at the Sundance Film Festival. ... This is not your typical swag house. No more heavy bags full of useless merchandise, no more oversized clothing or oddly colored promotional items. After speaking with celebrities and V.I.P.'s throughout the year and in part because of the new IRS restrictions and paranoia about receiving decadent items in public ... we have decided to step it up and offer every celebrity who visits the Luxestar Lounge one item only. The Platinum Luxestar Card. ... Filled with amazing items ranging from electronics, apparel, travel, etc. The Luxestar card gives celebrities the chance to select their own free swag in the privacy of their home. ... Taxes then become the responsibility of the celebrity only for what they select and not for what they are given."

These gifting releases —� I've gotten several — have triggered my journalistic hormones. I'm ready to ask tough questions. Like: WTF? And: Am I expected to know the "celebrities"�� (Jake Sandvig? Shooter Jennings?) listed at the top of these releases? How much does Blackberry pay Borat to write their copy? Why send these releases to me, other than to tease with visions of a free 80GB iPod? Are you hoping I'll craft a definitive-yet-sensitive essay on the Swag-Related Tax Problems of the Rich and Famous?

Well, I just might. But first, I need help. If anyone reading this is a Famous Person or a Person Who Makes His/Her Living by Giving Free Stuff to Famous People, please tell me all you know. Otherwise, I might be forced to launch the kind of investigative crusade this blog deserves! (Note to John: I was thinking 20-plus minutes of Googling — is that cool?)

So watch your backs, Entertainment Tonight! Step up your game, Access Hollywood! Table of Malcontents is on the Park City beat!