VPal, the robot companion for 8- to 12-year-olds, comes with a seven-day wardrobe and a 250-billion-neuron brain that never stops learning. Featuring a Turing rating of .45, VPal can swim, walk, run, skate, ride a bike, talk - and talk back! - and is configured to safely pilot a single-engine noncommercial aircraft to your child's farthest-flung play dates.
No Two Alike!
Each VPal is raised individually at the factory using genetic algorithms to develop motion and sensory behavior. The "heart" of VPal is its brain, which uses field-programmable gate arrays to evolve a cellular automata-based neural network that can perform a variety of complex tasks, from anticipating the parabolic path of a spitwad to condensing Beowulf into a single haiku. VPal is hardwired with emotion patterns based on the latest waterfowl child-parent imprinting research and will develop an unbreakable emotional bond with the first human being it meets after the startup routine is initiated. (Because the fidelity bond is stored holographically across VPal's network, it is impossible to rebond to another person without a hard reboot of VPal's operating system. An unauthorized reboot will return VPal to its factory setting, Prenate.)
Children Always Safe!
The Guardian package transforms VPal into a highly skilled proactive bodyguard. If VPal's companion utters a personalized Guardian code word, VPal will assess the situation by observing and analyzing key indicators of potentially hostile individuals within a 3-meter radius:
- voice stress
- "scary" gestures
- pheromones
- weapons
If VPal determines that its human companion is in danger of attack, it will use one or more of the following nonlethal systems (fully compliant with the revised Asimov Act) to pacify the assailant:
- kinetic-energy rounds - stingball bags or rubber donuts fired from VPal's oral-cavity ejector
- chemical irritants - oleoresin capsicum or Soma sprayed from VPal's andro-anus
- untethered taser darts launched from VPal's slingshot
Improved Digital Immune System
The manufacturer has made every effort to ensure that VPal OS 18.6 is resistant to all unauthorized downloads, viruses, and modifications, but cannot guarantee invulnerability from third-party software or hardware add-ons. Parents should install the latest firmware patch, which prevents VPal from running the following illegal or hazardous software: HomeworkWiz, BullyKiller, and OnansLilHelper.
Letting Go
VPal is hermetically sealed, with no user-serviceable parts inside. Powered by a Patterson cell, its expected life span is three years. In its final days, VPal will naturally, gently alienate itself from its human friend, in much the same way that human children drift apart from their ordinary childhood acquaintances. Three new separation options will be available in OS 18.7, due out in February 2046*:
- We're Moving to St. Louis
- I'm Not Into Scouting Anymore!
- This Was Part of God's Larger Plan, the cutting-edge package in which VPal "goes" in a dramatic fashion that generates meaningful family discussions about life, death, and the beyond. (JetSpeeder or other AccidentPak hardware sold separately.)
*Ship date subject to change without notice.
Why spend $50,000 on a Natural Animal Companion License when you can buy your child a hypoallergenic, vat-grown canine engineered with the patented TruDNA process for a fraction of the cost? MyDog, new from Wham-O! Incubators, lives to love and frolic, just like the beloved mutt your great-grandfather had when he was a boy!
New Dog, New Tricks!
MyDog features simulated learning of more than 50 preprogrammed activities and stunts: swimming, fetching, jumping, chess - you name it! You get the pleasure of teaching MyDog, plus a guarantee that it won't be a drooling dud.
Lonely? Not For Long!
Storing the scents of your child's friends, MyDog can track down playmates, no matter where they may be hiding. With a small deposit in an account linked to MyDog's iris patterns, MyDog can traverse the globe - and even board T-PUGS (Trans-Pacific Underground Gravity Sled) - in search of hard-to-find buddies.
Easy In ...
For an additional fee, upgrade to MyDog Plus with the Ruminant Digestive System installed, which enables MyDog to eat like a goat. Watch MyDog go at it on lawns and kitchen scraps!
Easy Out!
MyDog Plus' waste products are encapsulated in shiny lobster-shell chitin. When MyDog eliminates, simply pocket the handy, odorless cylindrical droppings until you reach the nearest biomass-recycling bin. (Note: MyDog's droppings bear the pet's serial number and owner-registration data. Failure to properly deposit waste products could result in fine and forfeiture.)
In 2043, several hundred Aibo V28.3 units were shipped with faulty replication governors. Dozens of the bots managed to escape their owners, and true to their von Neumann machine nature, they began to replicate and mutate. While most "wild" Aibo live near landfills, cannibalizing discarded hardware needed for procreation, a new mutant strain has been reported to attack and devour VPals. All MyDogs have been neurally hardwired to protect VPals, and field tests indicate that MyDog can ward off 98 percent of Aibo attacks without damage to VPal, its human companion, or MyDog itself. (Note: Staging an Aibo/MyDog fight for the purposes of recreational betting is illegal in the United States.)
SNIPS AND SNAILS AND RIBOSOME TAILS
VPal
MyDog
Buy MyDog For VPal
