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There's a fine line between helping beginners and insulting their intelligence. Or, the line should be fine, but usually ends up thick as a brick when it comes to the arcane ways of computer software. Think bludgeon-grade For Dummies manuals, Complete Idiot's guides, and the just-announced Shithead's Helper series. Worse yet, think Bob - Microsoft's failed attempt to replicate Barney for non-Windows-huggers.
Since no one, bless their souls, follows directions on the Web, it's clear we'll be seeing at least a decade's worth of digital roadside-assistance schemes for the "lost" and "confused" online. Microsoft's Agent is the latest to open shop and, unlike its direct antecedent Bob, it might pay off in serious laughs, even if it doesn't move the needle on consumer knowledge. Like Simpletoon, an interesting though as-of-yet unused ActiveX hack that allows free-floating, animated objects to roam outside the browser window, Microsoft Agent takes pop-up help way too far.
Sites design their own agents, program them to speak when they're spoken to, and spread them among users via direct contact - not unlike lice-ridden children rubbing their heads together. It would be fantastic to see this technology catch fire, if only to watch well-known sites scramble to pick mascots, the most revealing window into any corporate id. And when these nouveau butlers start peddling Zima, the predictable outrage among users will offer high comedy. But remember, the first rule of way-new interface design is "If you want to help others, you must first learn to help yourself." And if you find yourself insulted, you can always insult right back. Nobody will be listening, of course, but with a little effort and some alert anticipatory programming, you might just succeed in making the helpful little genie cry.
This article appeared originally in HotWired.
