Is reading Forbes a prerequisite for landing on the Top 25 Executive Compensation list, or is it the other way around? Of course, it has to be neither - Forbes, along with its confused younger siblings Fast Company and the newly work-centrified Details, would far prefer millions of readers to millionaire readers. To that end, there's a movement afoot to rehip entrepreneurialism, reframe the office cubicle as Conan's proving grounds, and celebrate new paradigm-busting methods of accumulating wealth. You've probably heard this insect's buzz by now, and long ago attempted to swat it from your peripheral consciousness. If it were a fashion trend, it would be lying bullet-riddled on a Miami Beach sidewalk. But cash, unlike cigar-huffing supermodels, never goes out of style. And the novel twists on rebirthing corporate cool don't go away, they just grow more bizarre.
If you just don't see it, you're probably not wearing your DSMI (distribution, marketing, sales, and investment) helmet. You must have heard of the DSMI helmet - this headgear is the secret weapon in the file cabinets of CEOs everywhere, a powerful tool for capturing market share, battling competitors, and executing savvy investment decisions. Put it on, and you "will become a Corporate Warrior." That's the promise and premise of Forbes' lunatic entry into the Doom-clone gaming market, the bluntly titled Forbes Corporate Warrior. This particular publishing-to-software leap may be guaranteed not to make anyone a dime, but it should.
As the manual says, "In [the game's] world, cash is ammunition, and the amount of cash is your health." The concept, in toto, is proof-positive that functional addiction is not a myth, at least amongst publishing executives who've smoked one too many production interns in networked Duke Nukem sessions. It must not have taken many after-hours blood baths for Steve F. to realize that just as his magazine is a "corporate tool," and his Web site is a "digital tool," there might be brisk business in pushing his personal line of modern bludgeons into the third dimension and 21st century. A business groupie exclaims, "This game is just like life!" and the next thing you know you're in beta release, crossing your fingers that new-economy lackeys and leaders alike buy into the thrill of deploying marketing missiles, legal lasers, price bombs, ad blasters, and alliance harpoons. But is playing Forbes Corporate Warrior a prerequisite for scoring big points in the market? If laugh value translates into earnings, why not?
This article appeared originally in HotWired.
