__ Net Surf __
__ Hacking the Planet's Other World Wide Net __
If traveling the Webways has convinced you that there are more cheesy billboards than actual sites, it might be time to get back down to Earth. Exploring network systems isn't limited to perusing those intangible realms of bits and bytes. For a good, reliable hack, there's always the material world's old standby: road systems (meatways, if you will).
Still, roadway dissection on the Net, despite the plenitude of maps and documents, tends to be flat - noninteractive and far from innovative. Sure, there are those servers that let you zoom in on almost any spot in the world. Booor-ing. "Hey Mom, when are we gonna get there?" Not any sooner with sites that spew wads of useless statistical data at you. Detailed, street-level maps of major metropolitan areas just aren't available - at least not free of charge.
Dump the bookmarks to those oh-so-informative mapping servers and stop off at the DeLorme company's site www.delorme.com, where you can look up its CyberRouter engine. *CyberRouter *is the Internet equivalent to that gas station attendant you ask for directions - except it knows what the hell it's talking about. It tells you quickly and clearly how to get where you want to go, how many miles it'll be, and how long it will take. CR will even custom-generate maps for you by highlighting a suggested route. These are maps that show interstates, highways, and other major road systems. You don't need to pay for a fill-up; you don't need to decode indecipherable scribblings on a cocktail napkin.
Even so, once you make it to mecca, you're usually outta luck when it comes to good mapping on the Net. No more. Let MapQuest www.mapquest.com be your guide to the sih-tay. MQ knows its way around most of the major US metropolises. Like its associate CR, MapQuest will draw you a map on demand: a real one, complete with street names. MQ can even go one step further by marking the locations of helpful sites such as restaurants and hotels. No need to stop off at the visitor's center.
Yeah, yeah ... but most people reside outside the greater downtown area, you might say. And what if I want to check out that new Swiss restaurant - or find the hovel my friend recently moved into? Won't I have to ask the friendly gas station attendant then? Nope. Vicinity www.proximus.com can show you where your friend lives. Give Vicinity's mapping engine - available through Lycos and Yahoo! - an address, and it will draw out a map, marking your destination with a red X. All Vicinity maps list street names and are zoomable and panable. Like CyberRouter and MapQuest, Vicinity services are free.
With guides like these, you won't need to stop for directions during your roadway hacks. These Net-based station attendants can give you everything you need ... except, of course, the key to the bathroom.
__ Beyond Tartar Control __
Technology may have caused the demise of the inkwell and the dipping of pigtails, but you can still capture your love-interest's attention. Try downloading disgusting images from the Web onto your betrothed's computer - or load it as a desktop pattern. Guaranteed to pester and nauseate, Dr. Bukk's DownHome Page displays a wide variety of fake teeth to fit any occasion. With styles ranging from Eleanor Roosevelt ("A very horsey set of choppers, subtle and unnoticeable until you smile broadly, then profoundly disturbing to your viewer") to Mongrel and Smokers, Dr. Bukk entices with such hooks as "Look bad.... Feel gooood." Sure, the terrifically realistic teeth are for sale, but the real joy comes from viewing the wares. www.augusta.net/Dr_Bukk.
__ What the Audiovisual Club __
Is Doing These Days
