__ Net Surf __
__ All the Fun without Those Pesky Razor Blades: Trick-or-Treating on the Web __
In my youth, Halloween meant glow-in-the-dark vampire fangs and a celebration of unbridled candy-gathering - a sacred night whose only casualty was the bellyache I got after polishing off the last Butterfinger or powdery packet of SweeTarts. Then someone somewhere slid a double-edged Gillette into a Granny Smith, and my Halloween was history. No more trick-or-treating. On the Web, however, the holiday borne of ancient Druids and later co-opted by Christians and Nestle's alike, remains alive, still harboring a modicum of danger, as rich in history and delightfully commercial as you remembered.
For a well-researched exposé on Halloween's origins, start with aztec.lib.utk.edu/~michie/hallorig.html, a site that traces the holiday's centuries-old roots to the fire festival Samhain, the feast of the dead that marked the end of the Celtic year. The page's author, a witch, explains that Celts divined magical power in seasonal turnings, just as they did between day and night, sea and shore, and she identifies precedents for various Halloween traditions: bobbing for apples was originally a marriage divination ceremony (the first to bite would be the first to wed); the jack-o'-lantern began as a carved turnip and symbolized the grinning faces of faeries active during the transition; likewise, trick-or-treating began as a Celt homeowner's insurance policy against faerie mischief.
But perhaps you're seeking to deepen, not assuage, your fears for the coming Hallow's Eve. You can efficiently stoke them at the Nightmare Gallery (thomas.balliol.ox.ac.uk/gallery2/index.html), where a virtual museum filled with horrific art unfolds with images of your darkest dreams. More than just pictures to click, the site is built of 416 views of snarling creatures and gaping ghouls, each from a different angle. Even the floor tiles sport a grisly H. R. Giger motif.
Better yet, you might consider furnishing your own haunts with macabrephernalia in preparation for the hallowed night, and plenty of sites set the mood: Body Parts (www.btprod.com/parts.html)sells realistic mock-ups at a variety of prices - "Chest with Entrails," US$125; "Gouged Eye," $4 - and Spooky Sound Effects (www-personal.engin.umich.edu/%7Ecstrick/halloween/sounds.html) offers free audio downloads of hooting owls, fighting cats, and a "mad organist playing Mozart's 'Toccata and Fugue.'" Beats the hell out of myDisneyland Haunted House LP and black-paper cat.
Should you succeed in scaring someone to death, take comfort that the Batesville Casket Company Inc. (www.batesville.com/) offers a full range of funeral products and services, including urns, keepsakes, and cremation services. You can browse the Casket Showroom for current models (Promethean? Grecian? Tapestry Rose?), tick off the "Decisions to Make When a Death Occurs," and - in case the deceased's passing wasn't premeditated - make use of the Grief Resource Center.
Though we floodlight our homes, inspect candies, and drive our kids in their flameproof costumes to trick-or-treat in broad daylight at the mall, Halloween is still an inherently risky venture. The Batesville company, however, assures customers that its products "protect loved ones from water, air, and other outside elements," but I have a hunch that some members of the alt.vampyres newsgroup have different plans for the Indiana company's coffins. This October 31, you'll find me at home, wearing braids of garlic and not answering my door for anyone. For some, Halloween is still a pain in the neck.
__ The Search for Intelligent Life in the (Online) Universe (Is Over) __
Amidst the slag heap of tired mailing lists, Phil Agre's Red Rock Eater News Service is one of the few worth reading. Agre, assistant professor of communications at the University of California at San Diego, treats his 3,800 subscribers to a weekly handful of provocative postings. Recent dispatches included winners of the bad academic writing contest, a paper on biometric encryption, and the diary of a media artist who hauled a panoramic camera to endangered architectural sites. "RRE consists of whatever I find interesting," says Agre. "I keep the signal-to-noise ratio high and the traffic low."
Agre maintains an extensive - and searchable - RRE archive. Get information at communication.ucsd.edu/pagre/rre.html.
__ Trashy Fun __
Gay or Eurotrash - from the creators of *Sissy *(see "Sissies Unite," *Wired *4.02, page 42) - disses right and left and doesn't disappoint. Lodged in issue Number Three of the online zine blair (www.blairmag.com/blair3/toc.html) ,this wicked site has given a new fierceness to interactive Web games and a new way to sharpen your gaydar.
Once you link to the gameboard, you are greeted with nine fresh young male faces. Choose a "gamepiece" and begin strategically clicking to determine who's gay and who's Eurotrash based on expressions, coif styles, and sartorial and postural clues. Most of these poseurs (all photographed unawares at Manhattan's Rockefeller Center) are painfully obvious, but it doesn't make the game any less of a hysterical exercise in unabashed, mean-spirited fun, regardless of your sexual orientation.
Additional features found in *blair *Number Three include an ode to Pippi "80 pounds of bonbons and right now!" Longstocking and a touching letter from contributor John Sanchez to Linda McCartney about her "Home-Style Cooking Meatless Entr�es." He thankfully recounts the story of how, while stocking up on Linda's frozen dinners, he met the man who later became his lover and codweller: "Linda, you won't believe it - his name is Paul."
Upcoming *blair *spinoffs include edna, tootie, jo, and *gerri. *Guess it's going to have to boost its editorial staff before the more corpulent *natalie *comes along.
__ Vox Compression __
Until now, delighting surfers with Web page audio files was akin to inviting them to spend Friday night watching molasses flow. The newest programs from *Voxware *(www.voxware.com/) - ToolVox Encoder and ToolVox Player - allow you to compress audio at a 53-to-1 ratio. Not just great for Web sites, this means you can encode 250 Kbytes of your daughter's giggles into a 5-Kbyte email attachment - with little loss of sound quality - to send to your doting in-laws.
You'll need Netscape Navigator to see and hear Voxware - even if you're using Internet Explorer 3.0b1, you can't get there from here. Once you're there, download the telephone client, TeleVox.
__ Grrrls R Bitchin' __
The digital daughter of its printed, analog namesake, *Bitch *was created as a passionate side project by Janelle Brown and Heather Irwin - two smart and savvy media junkies employed by HotWired. This candy-colored palace of feminist thought offers a place for women all over to rant, poke fun at, and redefine the pop culture that surrounds them.
The frosty green and heliotrope wallpaper graphics that decorate Bitch (www.bitchmag.com/) accent the fluff and fun of this online zine. Beyond aesthetics, the subject matter ranges from features about Sassy'sconservative takeover to the morality of male objectification. Biting criticism of women in the media and their reactions to this criticism are set off by sections like Fan Club, where posts about favorite heartthrobs inspire dropped jaws and good old-fashioned *goil *talk.
Tough and gutsy, *Bitch *invites you to check your inhibitions at the door with the cheerleader who greets you. Megaphone in hand, she's givin' a shout-out to the boys team in cyberspace: "We're Bitchin'!"
__ Just Say Ouch __
For those tired of looking at that same old reflection in the mirror every morning, the Body Modification Ezine can help you pierce, tattoo, or brand your way to a whole new you. With its in-depth descriptions of dozens of exciting procedures, Body Mod takes a penetrating look at how people have been customizing themselves for religious, cultural, and personal reasons for thousands of years. What's more, it's chock-full of testimonials, lists of recommended practitioners, and a piercing photo gallery that's not for the squeamish. Take a deep breath and aim your pointer at www.freeq.com/underground/bme/.
__ Ego Mania __
Enough about meeee, let's talk about *yoooou. *What do *yoooou *think of meeee?
Like Darwin or Lewis and Clark, some haughty Web pioneers have made it their mission to venture out and categorize the local wildlife. One such intrepid soul has captured a frightening new species at the Egotistical Site of the Week (www.bibiana.com/ego.html).
This hilarious spot catalogs a range of egomaniacs, from the merely pompous to the truly fanatical. By calling attention to the Web's most egregious self-servers, this site performs a valuable taxonomic function. We all realize that if we're not careful, we could get nominated ourselves. And if we think we're above it all, the site's visitor counter reminds us: "You are ass-kisser Number...."
__ The Portal Awaits __
Mists of legends collide with technology as amateur fantasy artists from around the world breathe electronic life into elves, faeries, centaurs, warriors, and evil dragons.
Lothl�rien, at www.lysator.liu.se/lothlorien/, is a new Internet fantasy-art gallery allowing visitors to discover what motivates and inspires the creators of these raw but playful glimpses at suggested realities and new dimensions. Gazing into the green leaves, you may find that the wizard Bluestar stands in the shadows beside you, staff aglow with transcendent power.
__ Thanks to the Wired 4.10 Surf Team __
Jeff Baskin jbaskin@aol.com
Michael Behar michaelb@wiredmag.com
Colin J. Lingle cjlingle@seanet.com
John Makulowich john@trainer.com
John Reul johnreul@aol.com
Ted Roberts ted@wiredmag.com
