__ net surf __
__ On Hating Microsoft __
Given the absurd amount of money flowing through Redmond, Washington, and shocking as it may seem, there are still a few principled individuals scattered across this big blue planet who refuse to follow Bill Gates self-proclaimed Digital Messiah to the promised land. I'm one of them.
Even so, it wasn't until I discovered the Zero Micro Software page at www.micros0ft.com (yes, that's Micros0ft with a zero) that I began to realize the vehemence of most Microsoft opposition. Before I had time to catch my breath, I was drawn into a web of intrigue and conspiracy that would make Oliver Stone blush. I found a handful of cyberintellectuals discussing the effects of Microsoft's virtual stranglehold on the market, and (for all you Gates-hating Trekkers) a rendering of Chairman Bill as Borg that gives new meaning to the phrase "Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."
As you've probably guessed, Zero Micro hasn't been lucky enough to avoid the wrath of the Microsoft legal department. How could they when their homepage banner is an alteration of the Microsoft logo, sporting the slogan "Who Do You Have to Blow Today?" It gets better. Zero Micro documents the sordid tale of how Microsoft and UUNet (the key Internet service provider for The Microsoft Network) tried to delete Zero Micro's domain. Lucky for us, their attempts were in vain. Now, various legal documents have been scanned and uploaded, complete with requisite mocking commentary by Zero Micro's head honcho.
The vast majority of anti-'Softers are content to conjure up such bizarre sites as The Bill Gates Fun Page (ugweb.cs.ualberta.ca/~gerald /billg) and Why Windows 95 Sucks (www.csclub.uwaterloo.ca/~vtluu /ww95s). Once there, it takes only a click to discover the 'Doze 95 Drinking Game (www.csclub.uwaterloo.ca/~vtluu/ww95s/drinking95 .html). The rules: drink once "every time a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the use of 'Doze 95," drink twice when "a person is shown meeting some 'Sandra Bullock-esque' love interest through MSN," and so on. Next time my power-geek friends and I are bored and up late with a case of Bud talls, we'll know what to do at least until the liquor runs out, at which point we can stagger over to the Microsuck hate page at www.personal.engin.umich .edu/~athaler/microsuck.html.
Then there's the tale of Joan L. Grove Brewer (aka Redmond Rose), a jilted ex-Microsoft employee whose not-to-be-missed homepage (www.halcyon.com/redrose) is a veritable labyrinth of court documents and startling accusations. As one link to Brewer's page posits, "Is she for real or suffering from deranged paranoid delusions?" I can't say for certain, but there's no denying that her ramblings make for compelling reading. In a nutshell, Brewer a handicapped engineer who attempted to alert Microsoft to several nasty math bugs (which, according to her, still exist in current Microsoft products) has been consistently maligned and pursued by Microsoft and its legal team. Unable to find work as a result of extensive Microsoft blacklisting, she is now forced to panhandle on the streets of Seattle. Hard to believe there's something worse than the alleged cult operating within Microsoft.
Are you buying any of this? Neither am I, but it's fun nonetheless. In fact, given Hollywood's recent penchant for cheesy cyberflicks, perhaps we're looking at the next would-be blockbuster. You read it here first.
Robert A. Wyatt (rob@bedazzled.com)
__ Connecting with the Crone __
The seeds of forgotten knowledge are no longer planted only in the collective unconscious. As Birthing the Crone: Menopause and Aging through an Artist's Eye proves, they are quietly lying and budding in cyberspace.
This ongoing, artistic exploration of menopause and aging revolves around the archetype of the Crone ancient wisewoman, sorceress, and elder. Artist Helen Redman, in giving electronic form to her "Wise Woman Crone," hopes to help society reclaim the symbol, once representative of the actualized woman and the fruition of wisdom and life experience. All who linger at www.humboldt1.com/~monk enter a metaphorical terrain resonating with transformation. Here, visual and written works course with ethereal energies as age erodes the protective shell of hidden fears, revealing the honesty that comes with mortality. Through crowning and croning, we unwrap the beauty of the ever-turning wheel and all aspects of The Goddess; the comfort of birth, life, death, and rebirth. Look and be renewed.
__ hURL! __
Definitely one of the most abysmal excuses for a thinly veiled marketing scam ever, McFamily the new McDonald's site on America Online (keyword: McFamily) sucks McWienies. Its mixture of condescending press releases, saccharine happy-family propaganda, and weak attempts at concern over the environment and health make McFamily the scariest excuse for an online space I've ever seen. Worst of all, the space is totally noninteractive. You can't post shit. All you can do is send email to McDonald's, which might be posted in the "Share a Thought" area. Gag. But what do you expect from a corporation that touts its "family values" while selling fat- and salt-laden beef raised on clear-cut rain forests (at an obscene margin of profit) to families that can't afford to cook for themselves? McFamily the name says it all.
__ Lock Picking 101 __
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your locks, but you can't pick your friends' locks until now. Guide to Lock Picking (www.lysator.liu.se:7500/mit-guide /mit-guide.html) is the antithesis of most current Web pages. You won't discover any multicolored graphics or downloadable .wav or .avi files here. Instead, you'll find precise, descriptive prose teaching the, er, ins and outs of every aspiring thief's favorite hobby. Lock diagrams from the Flatland to the Pin Column are described in detail (complete with figure drawings). Exercises walk you through the process step by step. If you're having problems picking the right tool for the job, there's an entire section covering everything from street-cleaner bristles to brick straps. And to make sure you're enjoying this hobby in the privacy of your own home, the site closes with an addendum titled "Legal Issues." HmmŠ.
__ Dial "D" for Democracy __
You know the scenario. You're bouncing along looking for info on the environmental movement in the Pacific Northwest and whoops! you end up on the Zima homepage, punch-drunk on clear beer and wondering what went wrong. There's little chance of losing your way while poking around Democracy Works (www.alternet .org/an/demworks.html), the National Campaign for Freedom of Expression and the Institute for Alternative Journalism's über-guide to individuals and organizations working toward social justice. There are endless links to other pages and gopher sites that examine censorship, arts and culture, the right wing (including militias, white supremacists, and efforts to counter such hate and intolerance), women's issues, reproductive battles, the environment, education, gay/lesbian and bisexual topics, and "Hot News" about current and upcoming events. A clearinghouse for scores of organizations from the ACLU to Artists Against Racism, Democracy Works is an essential tool for those looking for a few good (socially conscious) sites.
__ Lightbulb Jokes __
How many Web developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four one to print the business cards, one to futz with the server, one to run a Lycos search (which would inevitably turn up thousands of pages on photon physics and tulip breeders), and one to program a CGI script that generates a new lightbulb joke every 10 seconds. www .crc.ricoh.com/~marcush /lightbulb/random.cgi.
__ Fire Walk with Me __
Heat waves crumple the air above a 12-by-6-foot carpet of sizzling coals and it's rolled out for you, babe. Slip off your shoes and go for it. Of course, if you'd rather just think about it, check out the Firewalking Homepage (heartfire.com /firewalk/homefire.html) a smoking shrine to bare feet tripping lightly over glowing embers everywhere. Maintained by firewalking evangelist Tom Margrave, the site is brimming with motivational essays, snapshots, tips on eating and breathing fire, and (heh) hotlinks. (Kids, don't try this one at home and if you do, by all means don't inhale.)
__ News from Eastern Europe __
Several years have passed since the collapse of communism in Eastern Europe. Despite a marked effort on the part of many formerly communist states to open borders, encourage trade, and allow information to flow freely, the United States media have focused mostly on strife in this area of the world. Those smitten with a craving for more information might want to consider either the Open Media Research Institute's Daily Digest or The Jamestown Foundation's Monitor. Both offer thorough, succinct coverage of economic, political, and cultural issues and events currently making news in Eastern Europe.
To subscribe to the Open Media Research Institute's Daily Digest, send email to listserv@ubvm .cc.buffalo.edu with SUBSCRIBE OMRI-L Firstname Lastname as the message text. (No subject line or other text should be included.) To receive the Daily Digest by mail or fax, contact: Editor, Daily Digest, Na Strzi 63, 140 62 Prague 4, Czech Republic; or send email to info@omri.cz. You can also visit www.omri.cz/Index.html.
The Jamestown Foundation may be contacted via email at long@jamestown.org, by fax at +1 (202) 483 8337, or by writing The Jamestown Foundation, 1528 18th Street NW, Washington, DC 20036. To receive the daily Monitor, send email to listserv @services.sura.net with subscribe jf-monitor Firstname Lastname as the message text.
__ FDA-Approved Edible Š Bugs??! __
If you're like me, there's no tastier between-meal snack than a hearty bag of beetle larvae. I prefer Barbecue, but Ranch and Nacho Cheese are good too. Alas, beetle larvae aren't that easy to find at your local Safeway. They are available, however, via Archie McPhee, the online avatar of one of Seattle's strangest stores. And if larvae aren't your cup of, uh Š vermin, McPhee also sells Tequila Worm Suckers and Cricket Lick-Its.
Self-billed as the "Outfitters of Popular Culture," McPhee offers an eclectic grab bag of strange artifacts: novelties, magic tricks, toys, gadgets, gargoyles you name it. Unfortunately, the folks at McPhee don't make it easy to browse their cyberwares. The homepage (www.halcyon.com/mcphee) has pointers to various goodies, but no easy way to look at the complete inventory. Your best bet is to go to the product list page (www.halcyon .com/mcphee/products) and click on likely product names. Frustrating, but well worth the effort. A weird wonderland indeed. Bon appétit.
__ Random ASCII Art o' the Month __
: /^\ : : ____: :__________________________________________________________ _______ :___: .:.:. :-:.^.:-: B.E.Johnson : As has always been, :_:|=|:_: American Air&Space Artist : We navigate by the stars. : :|.|: : :-/|.|\-: : Only now... :/ |.| \: : They are our destination, (__|.|__) bjspace@ix.netcom.com : And understanding; :_:(|):_: bjspace@delphi.com : Our priceless treasure. /\|/\ spaceman@west.darkside.com : __/\\___/ /\________________________________________________________ _______ //\ /\\ /\\\ //\\\ \//\\ //\/\ /\/\/ /\/\/
__ Thanks to the Wired 4.04 Surf Team __
J. C. Herz mischief@phantom.com
John Reul johnreul@aol.com
Brent Sampson brents@rmii.com
Sandy Sandfort sandfort@crl.com
Larry Smith larrys@igc.apc.org
Mary Elizabeth Williams marybeth@well.com
Robert A. Wyatt rob@bedazzled.com
