Historians will point to alt.ketchup as the high-water mark in Net culture. Where else would H.J. Heinz be worshipped as a god? Where else would anyone wonder why the stuff at McDonald's is so much sweeter than regular Heinz? (It's the extra corn sweetener. Ketchupites order burgers sans ketchup and bring their own bottle of Heinz.)
Woe to the idiot who praises Hunt's on alt.ketchup. The "Mustard People," sworn enemies of the ketchup contingent, are hounded off the newsgroup like the sorry-ass lepers they are: "You should die, infidel! I hope you drown in a vast sea of That-Which-Is-Most-Red." That was the reply to an audacious predawn attack from a colonel in the Mustard brigade who suggested that Stadium brand mustard was a worthy alternative to ketchup.
The best post I saw recently was a dissertation on why bottled ketchup is the ultimate iteration of the Great Red Joy. Since most restaurant-style foil packs of ketchup have drawings of ketchup bottles on them, the conclusion is that foil packs try to invoke the ambiance of bottled ketchup by serving up its image. Don't believe it? Well, have you ever seen a bottle of ketchup sporting a drawing of a foil pack ? What more evidence do you need?
STREET CRED
Out of ControlIsaac Asimov's The Ultimate Robot
Slip into the Net with Shareware
Better Red Than Spread
